


Counting Quarters

by neminismisera



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Everyone's trying their best to be happy, Lance (Voltron)-centric, Lance/Allura but you'll see how it unfolds, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Quarter-Life Crisis, Snapchat, The romance isn't the main focus but it is definitely there
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-06-21 07:32:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15552732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neminismisera/pseuds/neminismisera
Summary: Going through 25 is scary as hell especially when adulting presents itself as shoes five sizes too big.What is happening, how to be happy and will anything feel alright?Why didn't anyone tell this was a thing?





	Counting Quarters

**Author's Note:**

> Things I discovered during the last year or so when I went through the peak of my quarter-life crisis at the age of 23.
> 
> I hope this is handy for someone else going through a similar set of thoughts.

_It feels like someone saying “I love you”_  
_Expecting a response_  
_And you not knowing how to say it back._

Lance’s world stopped on its tracks the second he turned 25. No, not because it was his birthday per se, not even because something dramatic and/or life changing happened, because nothing like that really did. It was just another day that happened to be July 28th, so wasn’t a good reason to be feeling like anything special apart from a party was going down. The weather was amazing, he was surrounded by people he deeply cared for and the ones living far away showed their input by dropping a “happy birthday” text with a few party emojis. Even Luis remembered to hit him with a message before night time.

And the weird feeling settled to his stomach because of that message in particular, unfolding a little further later on as several Facebook notifications flooded in.

_Happy birthday dude! The big 25, it’s all downhill from there!_

_hbd man you’re halfway to 50_

_Happy birthday Lance, no longer young adult, welcome to the real adulthood!_

Adulthood. What the hell was that even about, he thought and frowning tapped the like button on every congratulatory post on his wall. Being on Facebook was weird as hell, and like many late millennials his age, Lance had switched to Snapchat and Instagram ages ago. He scrolled briefly through Facebook notifications once every two weeks or so – none of his friends would tag him in anything too important there anyway.

Closing the youth-forsaken app, Lance opted for another one. He took a snap of his wall, a pile of clothes making it to the right end of the picture

 _hey dude you up it’s my bday eyyyyy_  
**send to: hunkgarret**

Maybe spending the day with Hunk, his absolute best friend, would help and this feeling would pass.

Tough luck it did not.

That was nearly a year ago.

 _Like someone watching your every move,_  
_Judging if you don’t succeed_  
_And telling about it to everyone you know._

So, that was how it started, as a pause and an itch to scratch, something small, something pretty insignificant. Nothing in his life really changed that much; he was still living with his girlfriend of three and a half years, he still had a steady, okay nine-to-five job and some friends he could invite out to a beer if he wanted to. Nothing out of the ordinary happened and his world wasn’t rocked.

Maybe that was the exact problem.

He was soon turning 26 for fuck’s sake. Ever since graduating from college with a degree in Business Administration, _nothing_ _out of the ordinary truly happened._ Only things that were painfully predictable; he moved in with his girlfriend, got a good job from the place he was an intern in during his senior year, and lived from weekend to another, fearing the thought of a Monday wake-up alarm. How fucking mundane, he thought as his girlfriend Allura curled against his side on the couch. It was 7pm on a Tuesday evening and their empty plates of spaghetti were on the dining table, waiting to be washed properly right after one more episode of Game of Thrones. Or maybe the one after that.

The couple was in bed by 10:30pm and due to an awfully long day at the office, Allura was falling asleep the second her head hit the pillow. This left Lance wide-awake with his thoughts. It was already May; his birthday was nearing at the end of July.

He had a little over two months left of _the big_ 25\. That milestone was somehow a thing for every single kid, and when Lance looked back, he was no exception. 25 had always seemed like a due-date, as if it somehow sealed the deal of being a Fully Grown Adult With Responsibilities And Fulfilled Dreams.

_When I’m 25, I’ll be married._

_When I’m 25, I’ll own a house and have some kids of my own._

_When I’m 25, I’ll be successful._

He was none of those, just had a crippling debt left from his years in college and a run-down apartment on the slightly better side of the town. Marriage, house, kids… Success… All of that seemed distant and foreign to the lifestyle he led, even if they fit to the picture perfectly. He knew those were the next natural, predictable milestones and that he just had to pop the question in order to get the ball rolling but fuck.

This was… This wasn’t what he wanted, at all.

Lance groaned out loud, stilling when he felt Allura stir a little next to him, but relaxed once her breathing evened out back to slumber. Maybe he just needed to find something to spice up his life. Like something to change the routine and wake him up from whatever this was. Rut or whatever.

The itch didn’t feel like some gentle scratching could take care of it anymore.

Maybe he should like. Buy a new car or get a really nice watch. Or actually start looking for better apartments like Allura had suggested a million times, not that Lance blamed her; they had lived in the same place since the summer after college. He _had_ promised her to get to it once he had the money and felt ready, though. So was this his ready?

This didn’t feel like a ready. This felt like a. Well, a void of some sorts, like he was a failure but no one could see the faults and mistakes scattered around in his apartment, work and life in general. Like Lance had somehow let someone down and was living with the initial feeling of regret and sadness but not fully enough to be completely blue. Just a little something lurking in the back of his mind or a knot tightening in his chest, reminding that hey, yeah, you didn’t do that correctly.

It would really help if he could just put his finger on what he did wrong and how to make up for those mistakes.

But were they really mistakes at all?

Lance sighed and looked at the time. 11pm, sharp. Well, he wasn’t tired or going to be asleep for a while, so might as well scroll through all the social media and see what’s up. As per usual, the first app he opted for was Snapchat and all those Snap stories he had ignored for the last 24 hours. One username in particular caught his attention; Pidge had updated their story 5 or so hours ago, which was pretty unusual. They didn’t feel the need to share things to everyone at once unless something special happened.  
  
**roverwehaveaproblem** 5 hours ago

It was a short video of them getting a forearm tattoo. The artist’s head was slightly angled so that his identity wasn’t revealed, but Lance could bet not everyone had a starkly white fringe in the midst of otherwise pitch-black hair. Or a really cool prosthetic arm. Pidge was fake screaming and the man working on the tattoo chuckled. The video cut off mid-scream to another Snap, a picture this time. It was the final result wrapped in plastic; an Ace of hearts with the heart symbol filled in as an asexual pride flag. Pidge was grinning from ear to ear, clearly really pleased with the outcome. The text caption on the Snap was just a flood of different kinds of heart emojis, another fairly unusual occurrence when talking about Pidge.

Lance frowned and tapped to the next Snap, which was a selfie of the Holt siblings doing weird faces to the point of being almost unrecognizable.  
  
**roverwehaveaproblem** 3 hours ago  
_Thank u big bro for the best (really late) 24 th bday present I love it! Glad to have you back from doing the master’s istg this runs in the family_

There was one more Snap to follow, Lance found, and it was of the Studio. Pidge was giving it a small shout-out, apparently the experience was about as painless and pleasant as getting a tattoo could be. This place, The Black Lion, wasn’t too far away from where Lance lived, maybe a 10-minute car ride or so. Huh.

That seemed like a decent amount of spices.

He snapped a picture of the dark room.

 _heyyyyy so I was thinking of getting a tattoo or a piercing_  
**send to: hunkgarret**

_Suddenly you are not enough  
What you have done is not good enough_

Wake-up alarm at 6:15am.

Coffee, shower, social media on the bed while wearing next to nothing.

Eventually hurrying on some clothes and running to the car just to get stuck in the morning traffic.

Apologizing to the boss.

Greeting everyone a good morning.

Sitting down at the desk.

Sending e-mails to sound like a professional knowing their shit, so a lot of fancy words and strikingly polite sentences woven together with a lot of “thank you”s and “please”s.

Signing this and that. And those.

Looking at the time, realizing it was finally, finally thank God, time for proper food.

_The things you have accomplished are not big enough_

Hunk didn’t respond until almost the next midday, around the time Lance was enjoying his lunch at work.

 **snapchat from hunkgarret  
** _just saw your snap lance what the hell do you have in mind, is this bc of what Pidge did?_

Lance snorted, taking a quick snap from the side of his face, grinning wide.

 _I think I need to get myself either pierced or tattooed dunno which  
_ **send to: hunkgarret**

The snap was immediately seen, which wasn’t really that surprising. Hunk wore his heart to his sleeve and was totally waiting for a fill-in as soon as he sent his question.

 **snapchat from hunkgarret  
** _lance I hope you are aware your pain tolerance is not up for that tattoo_

He frowned. Okay, maybe his exfoliated, well-hydrated skin wasn’t particularly bullet proof, no matter how gently the artist would treat him. But he needed this, needed something to fix whatever he was going through.

_I know I know man, but maybe a piercing? I mean id look fuckin bangin with a_

Lance stilled for a moment, realizing he had gotten so caught up in the idea of getting anything he wasn’t sure what and where to get it. Huh, he hadn’t given this much of a thought, had he. Now where would a piece of metal fit nicely… A few quick Google searches confirmed names for the most of the piercings existing and Lance settled on getting a frenulum – something he could hide easily but show and boast about when needed.

 _I know I know man but maybe a piercing? I mean id look fuckin bangin with a frenulum  
_ **send to: hunkgarret**

He opened the front camera on the app and put his fork back on his plate. After switching to different angles for a few moments, Lance stick out his tongue, lifting it up so that he could see underneath the muscle. Yep, looked about right, that would look nice as hell, he thought and stroke a more or less over the top facial expression to humour himself to the brink of laughter. A notification popped to his screen with Hunk’s bitmoji smiling at him.

 **snapchat from hunkgarret  
** _jesus you never fail to surprise me_

Another snap followed right after.

 **snapchat from hunkgarret** _  
also I’m going to pretend I didn’t have to google that_

So it wasn’t a no. That was about as good as a straight up yes when it came to getting Hunk’s approval to his more or less ridiculous ideas, Lance thought and chuckled. He would go get the piercing tomorrow after work and this feeling would finally pass. He could live a normal life again, free of strange and nameless emotions.

_The weirdest thing is that talking about it feels hard  
Because logically everything is fine, it really is._

“Babe, I was thinking of getting a piercing.”

“What? Really?”

“Yeah, a tongue one. I actually found a place, a friend of mine got a tattoo done there.”

“Lance, are you sure? I mean we’re 26.”

“No, I’m not 26 yet, and so what if I was? It’s just a piercing.”

“Honey, it’s just that… Don’t you think it’s kind of, well, time to grow up?”

Silence.

The knot in Lance’s chest tightened further.

_But it feels like a jammed puzzle  
With some pieces missing and the ones in place sitting a little wrong._

So Allura wasn’t really that open to the idea, but Lance could always count on his best bro to support him no matter what. However, he made sure Hunk didn’t _really really_ think his idea sucked major ass with a carefully worded snap, accompanied by the next best thing right after puppy eyes – the borderline sad-looking bunny filter with droopy ears. What he received in return was a selfie with a gentle smile and a genuine caption of _“you know I always have your back.”_ For a moment longer, Lance felt a tad bit more blessed for the fact that this angel of a human being was his very best friend.

But this was it. He was getting the piercing and kissing all these emotions a farewell. Bye, weird feelings, hello, happy life!

He inhaled once more to pick up any missing flecks of courage before pushing the door into the tattoo shop, a charming smile plastered on his face. A man around his age looked up from behind the counter.

Shit, he was kind of really hot with all the lean muscles, a high ponytail and everything. The black tank top revealed a massive tattoo pierced to the skin of his right arm, so he definitely had that bad boy vibe going on. Was—Was he wearing fingerless gloves? Lance swallowed down a spark of interest, and ended up opting for rude as a descriptive word; the guy seemed uninterested, especially with how he apparently hadn’t gotten the memo to have some kind of a friendly customer service side persona. There was a borderline grumpy “welcome” muttered at no one in particular.

Fighting back a frown, Lance stood a little straighter and marched to the counter.  
“Hi, I’m here for a piercing. Do I need to like, book a time or can I just… Come?” He mentally hit himself for the accidental innuendo, but the Rude Guy didn’t seem to catch it. Phew. There were no facial piercings going on, Lance noted, but instead a good few silver studs adorning the guy’s both left and right earlobes.

“Yeah, there’s time for a walk in,” Rude Guy stated, clicking something on the computer, maybe a calendar. Lance nodded.  
“Cool, I’d like a frene- uh a frenula—I mean—“  
A smirk found its way to the guy’s face.  
“A frenulum?” He supplied and Lance felt an embarrassed heat flood from his cheeks all the way to his ears and neck.  
“Yeah, that,” he uttered, scratching the back of his neck. Idiot, he should have learned how to pronounce it instead of just barely knowing how to spell it – and even that required checking it three times.

Rude Guy just nodded, walking to one of the doorways covered with a curtain.  
“Follow me.”

Lance jolted to motion and trailed after him, stepping into the small space. There was a practical-looking leather armchair in the middle of the room with black supply closets resting against a wall. A graffiti piece of a black lion ready to pounce on the opposing wall seemed to be the centrepiece of everything. With a shuddering exhale, Lance sat down to the chair to watch Rude Guy start organizing the piercing tools. The accidental side profile gave a nice view of the sleeve the hottie was sporting – on his right shoulder there was a stunning lion roaring done in red ink, surrounded by intense flames cascading down nearly the entire length of his arm. For a second Lance thought he could see and hear the fire cracking. It felt extremely lifelike in a sense he hadn’t seen a tattoo before; like a stilled moment instead of just a powerful image.

The snap of a rubber glove drew his attention back to the reality.

“Is this your first piercing?” Rude Guy asked.  
Lance nodded stiffly.  
“Okay, so it’s going to hurt for a bit. And feel funny for a while,” the guy carried on.  
“Open up.”

And just like that Lance panicked whether or not he had ill-smelling breath and oh shit the guy was coming over. He was carrying a small metallic tray most likely full of tools, placing it to a small side table Lance had somehow missed. Rude Guy drew a stool for himself from some mysterious place and sat very _very_ close. His eyes were so dark blue they almost looked violet and he had the most intense gaze and fuck. Poor Lance felt his heart jump up to his throat, from the nerves or the arrangement, who knew. He would later on assure himself it was definitely the loaded anticipation of a piercing. Swallowing thickly, he opened his mouth wide, lifting up his tongue.

Rude Guy examined the underside of the muscle, humming contently.  
“Looks good,” he muttered and turned to the tray, picking up something that looked dangerously close to surgical thongs. Lance felt his palms getting sweaty as he gripped tight on the armrests, knuckles turning white. There was a mildly amused huff and the guy took a better position.  
“Relax. These are just to pinpoint the place,” Rude Guy stated, leaning closer.

Lance squeezed his eyes shut and anticipated a painful pinch or so, but was faced with nothing. Instead he heard the curtain being moved on the rod and someone stepping in.  
“How’s everything going?” This was a new voice, somehow familiar though; after opening his eyes Lance realised it was the guy who had tattooed Pidge.

And damn was he fine.

“It’s fine Shiro, just a piercing,” Rude Guy huffed, thongs still aimed at Lance’s now closed mouth. The new guy, Shiro, stepped in closer with a friendly smile and extended a hand. It looked like some really high-tech prosthetic.  
“Hi, I’m Shiro. The one piercing you is Keith. What’s your name?”  
Lance took a deep breath, feeling the tension easing a little, and shook the extended hand. He was feeling unreasonably happy to have learned Rude Guy’s name. Keith, huh.  
“Lance, hi, uh, n-nice to meet you,” he stuttered. Shiro took out a stool for himself too and Lance noted there was a small pile of them at one of the corners, not some mysterious place.

“So, Lance,” there was something strangely authoritative in the man’s voice, which kind of made Lance feel like he was getting caught elbows deep in a cookie jar and this was the punishment.  
“What’s your story?”  
Well. He really wasn’t expecting that.  
Lance heard Keith huff impatiently and click the thongs together as if wanting to carry on, but chose to ignore this and turned a little more towards the other man.  
“Uh,” he tried, cleared his throat and let go of the armrests.  
“I, well, I’m a sales assistant at Voltron?” Shiro nodded, as if urging him to tell more.  
“I… I live with my girlfriend. And… I’m originally from Cuba, we moved to the states when I was five.”

Shiro grabbed on to that immediately.  
“Cuba, huh? Do you still visit your home country?”  
Lance sighed longingly.  
“I do, whenever I can. And have the money to,” he finished, fixing a bright smile in Shiro’s direction. The older man chuckled.  
“Sounds cool. What do you miss the most in Cuba?”  
“Oh man, where to start,” Lance laughed, falling deep in thought.  
“Well, the rest of my family of course, _abuela_ and _abuelo,_ all of my cousins… But I miss the beach. I grew up near it, you know, so…” he trailed off. Keith clicked the thongs again and Lance tensed a little, turning back and opening his mouth. Shiro shifted a little to the side.  
“I’ve had some really nice Cuban food. I was just thinking if you had any recommendations.”

Lance could feel the pinch from the thongs Keith was currently working under his tongue. How would he be able to talk while getting things done in his mouth? He held up a finger to say he would answer the question once being actually able to, but was interrupted mid-gesture.  
“No, tell me about the foods, just don’t move your tongue too much.”

Oh…kay? Talking while not being able to utilize literally anything in the mouth-area turned out to be quite challenging as it sounded like absolute gibberish, but if that was what someone wanted out of Lance then he guessed it was fine. So, he went on a rant about his _abuela’s_ amazing garlic knots, which were his number one favourite, then moving on to _dulce de leche_ , which was something he really enjoyed as a sauce on variety of desserts, like cakes and—

Ow.

Keith chuckled shortly, the sound striking Lance straight to the core.  
“Now I’m just going to put the actual piercing there.”  
Lance could feel something happening under his tongue, but couldn’t really put his finger on what – most likely because the said tongue was getting uncomfortably numb and feeling foreign in his mouth.  
“All done, do you want a mirror?”

Hell yeah he wanted.  
As his admittedly still panicked-looking reflection greeted him, Lance grinned. He had done it. A nice, comfortable buzz of adrenaline set to his fingers and toes as he opened up and peeked at his new piercing. And it was fine as hell. Damn.

He let out a laugh.  
“I love it.”  
He could feel the heavy weight of the muscle, swelling affect his talking especially if he had to pronounce the letter L.

Shiro smiled, looking pleased as well.  
“Just in case you aren’t aware, the swelling is at its worst today, so I recommend not eating or drinking anything hot, just stick to cool things. Eating in general might be a little tricky today but just know that it’s normal to not being able to chew too well. You should treat the piercing with saltwater four to five times a day to clean it. It might be a little sore five to ten days and… Is there anything else?” He turned to Keith in case the other man wanted to add something, even if he was busy removing the rubber gloves and replacing them with the fingerless ones. Violet eyes fixed on Lance.

“No oral sex for a month,” Keith deadpanned.

Lance chocked on his own spit.

Shiro laughed awkwardly.  
“Yeah, that’s true. It’s to prevent bacteria getting to the wound before it has had enough time to heal. And if anything comes up, you’re welcome to come for a check-in here, okay?”

Feeling painfully blushed and stuck to the previous comment, Lance nodded. He followed the other two men to the register and paid for the job well done.

It wasn’t until he was back home that the realization hit him.

After the peak of adrenaline had subsided, the piercing had changed absolutely nothing. The knot still remained, bundled up tight at the pit of his stomach.

_You’re old to be this  
Too mature to do that_

_Eyyyyyy look at it it’s beautifulllll got it done @blackliontattoo  
_ **send to: My Story, hunkgarret**

Getting validation was something Lance tended to crave on a regular basis from the people he loved, and what better way to do that than just be public about the changes that happened fairly rarely nowadays. Not to mention he was feeling disappointed by the fact that doing something like this was as good as absolutely nothing as far as life-altering events went. So maybe some good old attention would fix that, yeah. Hunk was the first one to snap him back, of course, giving thumbs-up along with the caption “looks v nice bro!” which definitely eased the blues going on. Lance shouldn’t have been too surprised to receive a snap from Pidge too, since the tag of the studio in his was very much not hidden. The reply was a side of a half-empty cup of black coffee.

 **snapchat from roverwehaveaproblem  
** _nice did you enjoy getting it done_

Did he really? The guy piercing him, Keith, wasn’t that friendly and just did the bare minimum as far as customer experiences went, but Shiro really put himself out there. Overall? It was okay, a solid B+.

 _yeah it was cool_  
**send to: roverwehaveaproblem**

He got one more snap from Pidge, just another picture of a coffee table and a hand doing the okay-sign. He huffed and, since it was getting fairly late, plugged his phone to the charger. Lance stretched his back and let out a careful yawn, trying not to irritate the piercing any further than absolutely necessary. Even if yawns most likely didn’t cause too much stress to the under one’s tongue, he wasn’t feeling like taking stupid risks with this. It was very similar to getting a new phone, Lance thought. The first two weeks go by guarding it relentlessly and panicking slightly any time a sharp object even touches it before holding it becomes a part of a mundane routine. Dropping it feels okay as long as the screen doesn’t crack too badly.

A key turned in the lock of their front door, and soon Allura stepped in, calling out a tired “I’m home.” Lance got up from the couch, getting that giddy nervous feeling to his stomach, as he knew she wasn’t too pumped up about the new change on his body.  
“Hey babe,” he smiled and hugged her lovingly. She dropped her bag to the hallway floor, wrapping two arms around her boyfriend.

Lance cleared his throat.  
“So, I uh, went and got it.”

Allura nodded and withdrew a little.  
“Show me,” she stated, already staring at his mouth. He swallowed before closing his eyes and putting the piece of metal on a blatant display.

A moment of silence passed until she voiced her thoughts.  
“Is it in the way of anything?”

He shook his head.

“Does it make you happy?”

A moment of hesitance. He nodded.

“Then I’m happy you got it.”

Lance opened his eyes and was greeted with the sight of a smiling Allura. He pulled her into a bruising kiss, feeling lighter now that he knew she wasn’t completely against trying new, possibly little reckless things. As long as they were within reason.

Because somehow, everything needed to make sense.

_Too grown up to enjoy something possibly significant  
Even if you just got rid of the training wheels in life._

_Building a happy place in a city that was nowhere near the coast was a challenge for someone like Lance, who had learned to love through the ocean. It had taken a while to accommodate to not being able to go surfing or swimming whenever he wanted to, especially during a restless night when sleep wouldn’t come easy._

_Geographical challenges set up a game he was determinated to win, so he had to compromise somehow. First it was all about getting to jump in and swim worth his heart’s content, so public swimming pools were naturally the right selection for that. Lance tried so hard to ignore the overpowering smell of chlorine and the artificial feel of the tiled pool for the sake of the experience. If he had tried hard and closed his eyes, there probably was a chance to achieve an illusion so bulletproof he would have believed it. Hypothetically. That never happened though, and it didn’t click into place until a few months in that he was also missing everything else surrounding the element water. Back to square one._

_The local aquarium, even if small, seemed to be the spot halfway to a decent outcome without Lance blowing all his money on gas, so he gave it a shot. Admittedly it wasn’t the same as dipping his toes into the sand or even feeling the ocean breeze on his face whilst surfing, but seeing the marine life underwater felt like a good enough substitute for the scenery. And how much did it ease the invisible tension building in his core to walk through the built-in tunnel and be surrounded by sea creatures front and back. It didn’t take too long before each and every one of his favourites had names according to the most prominent parts of their personalities (or qualities, for that matter. Not many manta rays could help if they looked all smiles from a specific angle, which is why the biggest one gained the name Smiles)._

_No, he didn’t name a small clownfish Nemo, that would have been very unoriginal, even for a hard core Disney-kid such as Lance. Besides, Finding Dory was a better movie any day._

_(He totally had the whole cast in the house, making sure each and every time none of them had gone missing.)_

_Of course these visits were not free or even inexpensive, so he had to cut weekly visits to somewhere around bi-monthly, to his displeasure. Hunk and Pidge noted this and threw his 20 th birthday in the same very place, making sure they got to “eat with the fishes;” this meant a dinner table set to the proximity of the tanks. The carefully folded birthday present, an annual pass, fit inside Lance’s napkin snugly. _

_Lance was so grateful he was pretty sure his kissed both of his friends stupid._

_And you’re not sure if it’s about living your life anymore  
Or just living up to general expectations._

Meeting up with Hunk for a coffee (or with this time around, water and apple juice) tended to be one of the highlights of Lance’s week. The best friends lived at the other ends of the town with their significant others and usually compromised to go halfway to a nice, cosy café a little to the outskirts of the immediate city centre. This was what they had opted for this time around as well. Lance parked his old blue pick-up to the parking lot of a book store nearby, just because the café was small enough to have only three parking spots and without exception, they were always occupied by the time he needed one.

Whistling a tune from his childhood tv-show, Lance stepped into the café. He spotted Hunk from their usual table, and judging by the fidgeting and lip-chewing going on, the big guy had something on his chest he either desperately wanted to share or avoid. Or maybe both. Lance frowned and truly hoped nothing bad had happened to his best friend – Hunk was a giant teddy bear with a heart of gold and deserved all the best things life could offer. The poor thing seemed too preoccupied with his thoughts to even realize he had company, so just to avoid scaring him further, Lance cleared his throat once he was standing in the hearing range.

“Hey man, glad you could make it, what’s up?”

Hunk jolted a little, but didn’t seem too startled. An uneasy smile spread on his lips.  
“Lance, hey.”

Something was definitely up, Lance thought and sat down across from his best friend.

“How’s life, is Shay still gorgeous as ever?” He supplied, trying to ease the tension. This provoked a stiff nod and more nervous fiddling out of the other – with fingers alone, the zipper of his jacket, clothes in general. It would have looked hilarious with how he couldn’t seem to make up his mind if Lance wasn’t so damn worried about the cause of… _This_.

Was someone ill? Were Hunk’s parents okay? Did Shay and Hunk break up? Had their house flooded and they needed a place to stay? Or maybe it was something Lance had done, not that he could put his finger on anything in particular, and if Hunk had taken a joke to his heart, this wasn’t how he usually acted, so maybe it wasn’t about that, but what was so big that—

“I-I proposed to Shay.”

Well that’s a—Wait what?

“What, seriously?” Lance couldn’t help the surprised tone even if he had tried. Which he hadn’t.

“A-and I’m asking you to be my, uh, my best man,” Hunk finished, the tension dripping off of his body little by little. The cat was out of the bag, and Lance was not prepared, at all.

“Y-you’re getting married?”

Hunk glanced to the side nervously.  
“You knew I was working on the courage to ask… Man, this is not really the reaction I expected to get, but… I mean yeah, Shay said yes.”

Lance stopped on his tracks. Hunk was right; this was not how one was supposed to react when hearing their best friend was marrying the love of his life. And it was true, Lance had known for a fact Hunk was beating himself up over not just being able to pop the question, it was just… Lance himself had entertained the idea of proposing to Allura. It just wasn’t something he imagined happening in the next two years, so the thought was left to the backburner of his mind as something fleeting. Like it will come back once things in the big picture have settled and they have a solid plan for the future to come or something like that. Maybe he had assumed it was something as bypassing for Hunk too and not an actual quest.

Though that still didn’t explain his initial reaction, not even to begin with.

Lance loved a good party, loved happy people and loved love, so why did it feel like Hunk was taking a massive leap forward and leaving Lance behind to solve his own mess of a life?

He offered a sheepish smile.  
“Sorry, dude, of course I’m happy for you. And I’d be sad as hell if you hadn’t asked me to be your best man,” he said, feeling like owing a proper apology.  
“I… Didn’t mean to sound like I wasn’t excited for you, Hunk. This’ll be the best wedding ever.”

Hunk smiled back a little hesitantly but genuinely.  
“There it is, though I am still waiting for you to quote Beyoncé.”

Lance laughed, clearing his throat and belting out the lyrics to one of his favourite songs.  
“ _If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it!_ And you did, congrats man!”

The wider smile settling on the bigger man’s face could have made flowers grow.

 _Because apparently it’s completely different_  
_To do what makes you happy_  
_And to do what is right_

After the shock had subsided, the two friends fell back into the normal routines, talking about life and memories, Lance’s new piercing, the smaller things. Though it wasn’t hard to pick up the signs leaning dangerously close to the fact that Hunk was about to Grow Up. Even if he tried to be nonchalant about things and passing through certain topics briefly, Lance could tell that buying a Real House and Settling Down to Raise a Family was not a “someday” plan for his best friend anymore. Apparently Shay had even stopped taking the pill. Soon there was going to be a baby shower, possibly right after the wedding, not that it wasn’t possible before it. However, this was happening – Hunk was acing the Adulting.

Lance watched Allura climb into their bed next to him with a book in hand. She smiled gently as she settled under the blanket, getting cosy and comfortable whilst opening the story from where she was last left off. Her hair was up on a loose bun, some strands falling out to frame a perfect profile. The lavender coloured silk gown was a Christmas present from Lance two years back. She… She looked just as breathtaking as she did the first time he laid his eyes on her. The view was painfully domestic and picture perfect, so Lance couldn’t help letting his imagination slip a little; Allura with a ring on her left ring finger. Allura in a white dress walking down the isle. Allura pregnant with their first child.

Something heavy, possibly unpleasant settled low in his stomach, and he abandoned the thought for now.

Someday, maybe.

“Hunk and Shay are engaged,” he blurted.

Allura didn’t seem surprised, just hummed and turned another page.  
“I saw that one coming. They’ve been together since sophomore year, right?” She chuckled, not even looking at Lance’s general direction. He nodded.  
“Yeah, well, I guess it’s just a… A natural thing. I mean to want that. With your partner.”

Another hum.

Lance swallowed on nothing, but still felt like there was something stuck to his throat.  
“The commitment and. I don’t know, the base of a family?”  
The words didn’t feel like his own.

Allura glanced up from her book to peek at her boyfriend’s unsettlement.  
“Yeah, in a sense,” she smiled and held the gaze for half a moment longer, just in case Lance wanted to be the one to bring up one topic in particular.

Lance knew he should. He should talk about marriage and small feet pitter-pattering on hardwood floors in a house of their own. Wanting each other in good and bad, until death did them apart. Growing old and how wrong the mere thought was supposed to feel if it wasn’t with her by his side.  
He should have been able to offer her all that and a lot more.

Words and promises unsaid melted into an uneasy smile as he reached over to kiss her as a sorry excuse.

Making love to her that night felt like an apology he wasn’t able to yet form into anything else than touches and strokes. Holding her tight was similar to a half-assed reassurance that he was doing at least one thing right when everything felt a little wrong.

_And to choose between those two  
Is never easy._

Wake-up alarm at 6:15am.

Coffee, shower, social media on the bed while wearing next to nothing.

Eventually hurrying on some clothes and running to the car just to get stuck in the morning traffic.

Apologizing to the boss.

Greeting everyone a good morning.

Sitting down at the desk.

Sending e-mails to sound like a professional knowing their shit, so a lot of fancy words and strikingly polite sentences woven together with a lot of “thank you”s and “please”s.

Signing this and that. And those.

Looking at the time, realizing it’s not even noon.

Sighing.

What was he doing wrong?

_But it’s even harder to realize  
You’ve already settled for the unhappy option._


End file.
